Hope, Faith and Persistance

So it's been four weeks since my last post. There's been plenty I've been wanting to write about but... My feelings regarding my affections have been reserved for off the web conversations. My last post caused some waves in my personal life that I prefer not to be repeated. That being said, life has returned to a plateau of normalcy, depending on whatever you consider to be normal. My financial situation is starting to become one of a "what can I live without" scenario. For instance, as I write this DirecTV has canceled my service due to the fact that my DirecTV bill has not been payed in two months. So I decided that I can live without satellite TV and instead will have streaming television through my Xbox. I am able to get free WiFi and figured that the combined cost of Xbox LIVE Gold ($5) + NetFlix ($7.99) + Hulu Plus ($7.99) = $20.98 a month makes better sense then the $105 I currently pay monthly to DirecTV. A savings of $84 in these cash strapped times is a smart move, in my honest opinion.
*I wrote an entire paragraph about Hope, but decided to delete it from my final draft of this post*
Earlier this week I went to church for the first time in almost a year. I really don't remember the last time I went but it was most likely after my initial separation from my ex-wife. I didn't go for myself, but instead went to pray for Hope. She currently works at a job she hates and it makes her so unhappy it basically sucks the joy from her life. I prayed to St. Joseph that she finds a better job and lit a candle. For those who were not raised Catholic, myself raised Roman Catholic (there's more than one kind http://bit.ly/i6we9q), these are the type of things we do... honoring saints, lighting candles, praying for others, etc. Any way, getting off topic... I went back to church the next day and prayed again for Hope's happiness. I asked GOD (another Catholic trait, we capitalize the G word) that I wanted her to be happy and if we were meant to be that HE make so. What can I say, I'm head over heels for this woman. I think about her constantly, from the moment that I wake-up til the moment I go to sleep.
No matter what, I will always continue to be Hope's friend, she is the only thing that seems to be constant in my life. So many other people have come and gone it's sad that I no longer fear being alone. Would be lovers, close to distant friends and even family have disappeared from my life. "Out of sight, out of mind" is the likely explanation. My phone hardly ever rings, unless it's a bill collector, and sometimes when I reach out to would be friends, I get ignored. It seems no one ever has time and I have all the time in the world. I'm not sad about it though. "Never have expectations and you'll never be disappointed" is how I take it day by day. It works for now but it's not how I want to be forever.