What Happens Now?

The title for this post should really be "Hope is Gone..." but I'm trying to not focus on the negative. I've finally accepted (for now) that Hope will never want a relationship with me. The cyclic relationship Hope and I have been having has finally hit the wall. My jealous feelings towards her wanting to move on have come to a head and possibly damaged what was remaining of our friendship. However the crushing feeling of realizing that you are not compatible with another person that you are madly in love with is... debilitating. I no longer have the will to be breathe. These feelings and emotions couldn't be a worse time. I'm currently studying for a promotion test and the dramatic events in my daily life are constantly sidetracking me. I feel like how I felt when I got divorced, it's like I have nothing. No friends, no family, no love....
I think about moving back to New York but know I would not be any happier there. I moved for a reason and moving back would be a declaration of defeat. The past five years of my life would be in vain and I would be starting over when time is clearly not on my side nor a commodity I have in excess. So I try to focus on the uncertain future. Do I prosper and gain my desired financial freedom from debt? Do I find love and begin a family of my own? As of right now I lack the energy to ponder what life has in store for me down the road so in the meantime I'll just mourn the death of my 'happily ever after" with Hope.

Where has the time gone

     I've been gone for a long time. Perhaps too long. I've have not written anything since August and it seems my life has been preoccupied with the stress of living with other people. My divorce taught me how to live and depend on myself. I lived alone for about 5 1/2 months before I got a room mate. Now I have two and they're driving me nuts. The room mate situation is purely for financial reasons. I would rather live alone but the house I was renting was a lot of money. The room mate I acquired was through a Craigslist ad. He was a bit annoying at times and his quirks were a bit stressing for my personality but in hindsight he wasn't that bad. I lived with him for 10 months before I broke my lease and moved into a friend's house. One of my friend's co-workers also moved into the house.
     Eleven months later and I'm ready to move out. I hate to blame my issues on other people but I feel like I'm living with Brennan and Dale from Step Brothers. Two grown men that are suffering from Man-Child Syndrome and I can't take it anymore. Recently (as I write this) I had to spend the night at Hope's house because one of my room mates got so drunk he left the upstairs shower running for over an hour and the house flooded causing extensive damage to the house. In essence, my house became the "cold, wet wind tunnel house from hell" due to all the fans and dehumidifiers running non-stop to counteract the water damage. I've thought about moving out but my Debt to Asset ratio is in the red.
     My 2013 New Year resolution is to pay off all credit debt by November. So far I'm on track but some serious budgeting is in order. My stressful living conditions have taken a toll on my personal life as well. I don't socialize with friends and my relationship with Hope has become standoffish at best. For now I've told myself to simply "grit and bear it" but I know I can only do that for so long.