What Happens Now?

The title for this post should really be "Hope is Gone..." but I'm trying to not focus on the negative. I've finally accepted (for now) that Hope will never want a relationship with me. The cyclic relationship Hope and I have been having has finally hit the wall. My jealous feelings towards her wanting to move on have come to a head and possibly damaged what was remaining of our friendship. However the crushing feeling of realizing that you are not compatible with another person that you are madly in love with is... debilitating. I no longer have the will to be breathe. These feelings and emotions couldn't be a worse time. I'm currently studying for a promotion test and the dramatic events in my daily life are constantly sidetracking me. I feel like how I felt when I got divorced, it's like I have nothing. No friends, no family, no love....
I think about moving back to New York but know I would not be any happier there. I moved for a reason and moving back would be a declaration of defeat. The past five years of my life would be in vain and I would be starting over when time is clearly not on my side nor a commodity I have in excess. So I try to focus on the uncertain future. Do I prosper and gain my desired financial freedom from debt? Do I find love and begin a family of my own? As of right now I lack the energy to ponder what life has in store for me down the road so in the meantime I'll just mourn the death of my 'happily ever after" with Hope.