What I love about blogs: You can write them in bed. That's where I am as I'm typing this one. Working out twice a day for the past four days have finally taken their toll. This Sunday was a well needed day of rest.
Trying to keep my thoughts together without revealing too much about my past week. Ambiguity has always been the form in how I choose to communicate. Precise enough not to be considered vague but just enough information that the general idea is understood while still leaving much up for interpretation. I feel like I've been holding my tongue and the flood gates are about to sweep across this page. I won't let them however. Only a few short bursts of raw thought will I reveal in the most controlled manner. Did I just channel Yoda on that last sentence? I swear that's how it came out... I'm leaving it that way.
So last Tuesday A.J. "attempted" to make an apology for what happened the week prior. "Attempted" in my opinion because, well...it sucked. For both being in a profession where you constantly have individuals lying to your face, you would think that he would have a little more chutzpah in trying to be sincere. Or, perhaps, maybe I'm just that better at reading people I don't trust. He didn't address the issue of why or how he screwed up, just only that I was upset with him and attempting to return to my good graces. Again ambiguity was my choice of communication. Not saying much but getting my point across, I was more curious in what he had to say, which wasn't much. Needless to say he failed at an apology and I removed myself from the situation. Hope, Kelli and Barnes are my new pack. They're the ones I'll run with, any time or any place.
A couple days after the failed apology, my head had cooled and I visited AJ at home after a trip to the bookstore. Our shared taste in literature and cinema made me value our friendship since it was something that lacked in my relationship with others. As if reading my mind, Kelli called me inviting me out to a gay bar for karaoke. I was thrilled to go out, since I was already thinking it and made the friendly gesture to AJ to come with, knowing damn well he wouldn't go. But that is the friendly thing to do right? Invite someone to do something knowing that they'll say "no", it's the principal of the thing, isn't it? However not wanting to lose his streak AJ went for the hat trick with strike #2 and #3. "Strike 2"; I asked to borrow a shirt, since all I was wearing was a plain white tee and cargo shorts. Insert grossly, ignorant homophobic comment here... As if your shirt would be returned to you contaminated with gay cooties or something, how sophomoric. Kelli and Barnes arrive at AJ's house to pick me up. Again, making the friendly gesture and invited AJ to meet my friends; AJ: "Who's in the car?" Me: "My friend Barnes and Kelli... she's cute by the way." (trying to play on his one track mind) AJ: "Is that dude straight or gay?" Me: "He's gay, why?" Strike #3; Insert grossly, ignorant homophobic comment here...
There are many things you can do to me; you can lie, steal from me, deceive, betray or ultimately hurt me. I will feel the pain, how it will affect me will vary but in the end it will only make me stronger. However... you. do not. ever. insult my friends. For that alone, I would have loved to lay AJ out on his on front porch. However walking away seemed the more logical choice. A right cross straight to the angle of his lower jaw would have felt good though. I left with my new pack and enjoyed a good evening being out with friends. Not much after the weekend ended, work...work... work... Got to pay the bills, right.
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