It's been almost five months since my last blog post, but of course if you've been keeping track that would have been easy to figure out. A lot has changed, I finally got Internet where I live and acquired myself a MacBook Pro. It feels good to finally be like a functioning adult. My love life has taken a turn for the better. I have been seeing Hope since late March and she actually went with me to New York to meet my parents in late April. We actually made our relationship official on May 4th. I love her and she loves me back.
I've made myself more financially stable and intend to finish my degree rather soon. I actually can't remember a time where I was more happier. For the first time that I can remember I've actually become preoccupied with sports. More and more each day I find myself looking at baseball scores, stats and standings. I'm obsessed with the Arizona Diamondbacks and even bought season tickets with Hope. Occasionally I will watch a NY Mets game or even the Tampa Bay Rays. I wear glasses now, nothing I'm too thrilled about. However driving at night and watching ball games at Chase Field have become less of a strain on my eyes so I'm content with it.
Exercising has fallen on the back burner unfortunately. However I lost most of the New York weight I gained (I ate pizza every day) and started running the other day. I want to get back to the weight I was back in February. Hope's sister is getting married in October and I want to look my best at Hope's side. I also want to make a blog post on a weekly basis. With such a exceptional computer in my possession, there is no excuse for me not to be writing. For almost 21 weeks to go by and not having more to write I find myself shocked. Perhaps with so much going good for me I can just sit back, reminisce and smile.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
A Sonnet of Thoughts
Why must we play these games?
Why do you make me chase you so,
when you don't want to be chased.
You pull at my hearts strings so,
as if it were your instrument of entertainment.
These exchanges of words without feelings,
but feelings remain below the surface.
The man you see is not the man you claim you want,
but interest in my endeavors and journeys state otherwise.
Your beauty resides not in your shallow skin,
but in the deepness of your heart and mind.
I would compare your eyes and smile to the sun and stars,
however only a fool would make such misrepresentions by ridiculous comparisons.
You are incomparable to anything tangible in this living world,
and even more priceless than any precious metal or gem removed from the earth.
Though you may be far from me, my mistress who tempts my heart,
but the memory of your warm face makes the coldest night seem like spring.
Why do you make me chase you so,
when you don't want to be chased.
You pull at my hearts strings so,
as if it were your instrument of entertainment.
These exchanges of words without feelings,
but feelings remain below the surface.
The man you see is not the man you claim you want,
but interest in my endeavors and journeys state otherwise.
Your beauty resides not in your shallow skin,
but in the deepness of your heart and mind.
I would compare your eyes and smile to the sun and stars,
however only a fool would make such misrepresentions by ridiculous comparisons.
You are incomparable to anything tangible in this living world,
and even more priceless than any precious metal or gem removed from the earth.
Though you may be far from me, my mistress who tempts my heart,
but the memory of your warm face makes the coldest night seem like spring.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Nice Guys Finish Last
A lot of emotions are going through me. Sadness, Anger, Confusion, Heart-ache... the list goes on. My main focus however is, of all things, beyond my control. I can not stand "boys" who do not know how to treat a woman. I refer to these guys as "boys" because that's what they are. Immature, fickle, thick-headed "boys" who apparently have watched too many movies and television on what it is to be a guy. This is why "nice guys" never get far with women. These "boys" have treated women so poorly, that "good girls" become bitches towards all men due to the fact they have been mistreated by guys that don't know what it is to be a gentleman.
It's a vicious cycle all around though; most guys tend to be jerks but there are nice guys. Women find nice guys to be boring after awhile and turn them into jerks. Women find themselves attracted to jerks because they think "he can change" and "they're exciting". However the jerk mistreats the girl and she becomes disenfranchised to all men once they part, making a nice guy having "a snowball's chance in hell" with any of these women. Any woman will say that she wants "someone who will treat her good" but... when you have been treated like dirt for so long, sometimes being with a genuine person feels so foreign. Human beings like what is familiar to them. Whether it be luxury or mistreatment, if it's familiar then that is what feels comfortable to them. Look at ex-cons; a human being who has been incarcerated for so long, once paroled is more likely to commit crime just to return to prison. Does it make sense, No, but it happens because human nature gravitates to what is familiar to them.
Once again, beyond my control but it's the reason I'm upset. In a perfect world, all men would be thought what it is to be a gentleman and how to treat a lady. Women wouldn't have to categorize men as pigs and be scared when a genuine, nice guy showed interest in them. However in a perfect world there would be no war, no one would be homeless or go hungry and love would never end. I can wish for a perfect world but know that I can only influence the world around me, in my own private little life.
It's a vicious cycle all around though; most guys tend to be jerks but there are nice guys. Women find nice guys to be boring after awhile and turn them into jerks. Women find themselves attracted to jerks because they think "he can change" and "they're exciting". However the jerk mistreats the girl and she becomes disenfranchised to all men once they part, making a nice guy having "a snowball's chance in hell" with any of these women. Any woman will say that she wants "someone who will treat her good" but... when you have been treated like dirt for so long, sometimes being with a genuine person feels so foreign. Human beings like what is familiar to them. Whether it be luxury or mistreatment, if it's familiar then that is what feels comfortable to them. Look at ex-cons; a human being who has been incarcerated for so long, once paroled is more likely to commit crime just to return to prison. Does it make sense, No, but it happens because human nature gravitates to what is familiar to them.
Once again, beyond my control but it's the reason I'm upset. In a perfect world, all men would be thought what it is to be a gentleman and how to treat a lady. Women wouldn't have to categorize men as pigs and be scared when a genuine, nice guy showed interest in them. However in a perfect world there would be no war, no one would be homeless or go hungry and love would never end. I can wish for a perfect world but know that I can only influence the world around me, in my own private little life.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
In with the New(s)
It's been four weeks since my last post. Still no Internet at home and the time to actually sit down to write has been non-existent. Also the fact that I'm moving out of my current place has become more of a priority than anything else. I'm moving in with, of all people, A.J. He owns his own home not far from where I'm currently living and our personalities are similar, so I feel comfortable there. Also another mutual friend, Sam, will also be moving in with us, so there will be three in the bachelor pad. I have eight months left in my lease but told the rental agency that I was moving out so they put it back up as available. I have until the end of the month to be out. Hopefully someone rents it soon and takes over my lease so I don't have to pay the full term.
There's been a lot of personal planning in my life recently. With this new year I've already got the wheels turning on getting my degree as well as being mostly debt free by year's end. My health is excellent, I've lost almost 30 pounds and 5 inches off my waist since last summer. I really can't recall being in better shape. I'm also getting with another friend of mine in the real estate business. Hopefully I'll be an associated partner by the end of this year as well. I'm hoping to save enough money within the next two years to buy my own house. Things are actually starting to look up for me.
My love life at this point is non-existent. Since Hope has decided not to date me, or anyone else for the matter, I haven't been interested in anyone lately. There have been women that have been interested in me but my response to them, in summary, has pretty much been; "meh" *shrug*
What can I say, perhaps I'm still in love with the girl. Perhaps the fact that practically anyone I meet, I've compared to her and they just don't meet the standard. I just don't know... I know what I want and right now I'm not getting it so I figure I rather not waste my time. That's all for now with the updates. Hopefully I'll be back to a regular posting schedule soon, I have so much to write about.
There's been a lot of personal planning in my life recently. With this new year I've already got the wheels turning on getting my degree as well as being mostly debt free by year's end. My health is excellent, I've lost almost 30 pounds and 5 inches off my waist since last summer. I really can't recall being in better shape. I'm also getting with another friend of mine in the real estate business. Hopefully I'll be an associated partner by the end of this year as well. I'm hoping to save enough money within the next two years to buy my own house. Things are actually starting to look up for me.
My love life at this point is non-existent. Since Hope has decided not to date me, or anyone else for the matter, I haven't been interested in anyone lately. There have been women that have been interested in me but my response to them, in summary, has pretty much been; "meh" *shrug*
What can I say, perhaps I'm still in love with the girl. Perhaps the fact that practically anyone I meet, I've compared to her and they just don't meet the standard. I just don't know... I know what I want and right now I'm not getting it so I figure I rather not waste my time. That's all for now with the updates. Hopefully I'll be back to a regular posting schedule soon, I have so much to write about.
Monday, January 9, 2012
For Sheepdogs
I have never told this story to anyone but I know it all too well in my heart:
Look up in the stars and look for Orion's belt, everyone should know what that is. Look a bit to the left and down, that's where you'll find my favorite star, Sirius. Also known as the "Dogstar" because it's in the constellation Canis Major. It's the brightest star at night and unmistakable for it's twinkle. Now it twinkles because it's actually a binary star, two stars close enough that to the naked eye it only appears to be one.
Dave Grossman, a retired Army Lt. Colonel, wrote about how there are three types of people; Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs. "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident." This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. Then there are Wolves "and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy." Wolves are the evil men in the world who commit evil acts and care less of who they would harm.
Then there are Sheepdogs. "I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed." It is this wisdom I've been taught that makes Sirius my favorite star. I believe that star twinkles because it is fueled by the souls of fallen sheepdogs; Soldiers, Police Officers, Firemen and ordinary citizens who gave their lives trying to protect others. And for every Sheepdog that is lost, another takes their place to protect the flock. Where ever you are, you can look up into the night sky and find it. If you happen to gaze upon that star for more than a moment, most likely I'm looking at it too.
John 10:11 "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."
Look up in the stars and look for Orion's belt, everyone should know what that is. Look a bit to the left and down, that's where you'll find my favorite star, Sirius. Also known as the "Dogstar" because it's in the constellation Canis Major. It's the brightest star at night and unmistakable for it's twinkle. Now it twinkles because it's actually a binary star, two stars close enough that to the naked eye it only appears to be one.
Dave Grossman, a retired Army Lt. Colonel, wrote about how there are three types of people; Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs. "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident." This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. Then there are Wolves "and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy." Wolves are the evil men in the world who commit evil acts and care less of who they would harm.
Then there are Sheepdogs. "I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed." It is this wisdom I've been taught that makes Sirius my favorite star. I believe that star twinkles because it is fueled by the souls of fallen sheepdogs; Soldiers, Police Officers, Firemen and ordinary citizens who gave their lives trying to protect others. And for every Sheepdog that is lost, another takes their place to protect the flock. Where ever you are, you can look up into the night sky and find it. If you happen to gaze upon that star for more than a moment, most likely I'm looking at it too.
John 10:11 "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep."
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Beginnings
So today is New Year's Day and I'm blogging from the Apple Store in the mall. Apparently the free WiFi signal I haved enjoyed at my home for the past 14 months is now gone. I am also taking an iPad for a test drive and so far I'm convinced I want one. New Year's Eve was much more eventfull this year compared to last. I wish I had more to write but the hectic environment of the mall is not exactly the best place to write my thoughts. Hopefully I'll find out how I'm going to maintain my Internet life after today. Happy New Year everyone and may this year be better than the last!